Goose Goszulak – White Pines Skate Park


Click on the image above to donate now and help build his dream : )

White Pines Skate Park for Gabriel Goszulak (April 8th, 1999-October 19th, 2015)

A caring young man had a vision of there being a skate park made in his struggling small town of Arnold, CA where kids could have a safe place to play and be active.  My son, Gabriel “Goose” Goszualk had a vision and a plan.  He had already started designing the skate park himself and had even approached local Calaveras County council member Michael Oliveira about his dream all on his own.  Just after Goose passed last October 19 in a tragic car crash at 16 years old, Oliveira was quoted as having met with Goose 10 months ago about the skate park and that plans were already in motion!  My 16 year old son had already got his vision started and plans moving all on his own!

Goose Goszulak thought up this tee shirt concept last year which totally captures his “Just Did It” spirit! Profits benefit his vision : )

We are so proud of him : )  Now, it is time to see his vision through!  We want to build something he would be proud of and a skate park worthy of bringing people in from out of town to help this small town.  We will need to design, get permits, materials, and build it.  Thankfully, the local government is already behind this!  We ask all to share this fundraising campaign and donate whatever they can to the cause.  Please help us make a young man’s dreams come true and create a safe place for kids to play in his community as he had wanted and already got going : )

Video from Goose’s Celebration of Life Sunday, November 8th

October 19th, 2015

Over the past couple of days it became powerfully clear what Goose Goszulak‘s message is. His message is love. I have never seen or felt more love in my life than from my son and especially from everyone he loves these past couple days. I have been held up in the most amazing love he has shared in each of us which has Graced us all. I could not have asked for a more beautiful boy. Luke 1:19 “And the angel answered him, I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I was sent to speak to you and to bring you this good news.” Goose lived up to every name he had from Gabriel, Goose to G boo boo and I witnessed more love for him these past couple days than I could have ever hoped he could have. I have no doubt my son loves and is loved completely and absolutely which is everything I ever wanted for him. He shines on in all of us because he loves us and we love him, and that is his message to us all. Oh yeah, that, and, it’s super cool to just be yourself ; ) thank you all for your prayers. They have truly been felt.‪#‎whitepinesskatepark‬

October 25th, 2015

Loving the greatest teacher and gift of my life Goose Goszulak : )


Be Here Now?

What happens when

The last place
You want to be

Is where you are?

Grief from loss of a loved one
Can be the most difficult time
Especially to be present

Who wants to feel

The pain
The anger
The sadness

The confusion and fear

Shock and awe are all you have

Until gravity takes hold
And lowers me from the ether
And the veil of surrealism
Slowly lifts

Each day
Exposing a little more
Of a completely different world
Without you in it

Afraid of what it may mean
Or who I will become

If not to surrender in complete acceptance
And honor Unconditional Love

Through embodiment

To act from that place within
Which knows

Love and Forgiveness
Grace and Mercy

To be present is the hardest thing to do
Especially at a time like this


If we don’t show up for ourselves
We can’t show up for others

And that is the purpose of loss and pain

To teach us how to relate
To one another

In the deepest and most profound

And be together

One another

As life was meant to be.

Tavius Dyer, Sunday, October 25, 2015


Each day gets harder without you my son Goose Goszulak, and each day I have to work harder to take care of myself and love myself so I can heal and honor him. Here are some things I remind myself have helped me along the way I share for all who mourn all our loss or any loss.

Lessons learned and tools tried to help myself through difficult times and make the most of my life. Everybody is different and has different needs at different times. I invite you to try any of these tools for yourself and see what they can do for you : )

Ask for help-

It can be the most courageous and important thing you ever do. Tell them the truth. Listen to what they say. Try what they recommend.

Attend support group meetings-

There are support groups for just about anything and everything you may be going through. Try one. If you don’t like it, try one more. They are all different.

Be active/exercise-

Even a short walk around your neighborhood can help to change perspective and help ease the mind and improve sleep. Exercise is one of the best antidepressants and it’s free! It can also help with anxiety.

Eat well-

Often, it’s hard to eat enough of the best stuff. Your brain and muscles need protein to function so make sure you get some of that every day. Try to eat something healthy every day. Drink water and stay hydrated. Hydration helps the body take care of itself and do what it needs to do to function at its best.

Talk to a friend-

It’s good to let people close to you know what is going on with you. Friends can listen, and friends can reflect what we need to hear. However, friends are not always able to do these things for us all the time. Don’t take it personally if someone you know or love doesn’t show up the way you want them to. It’s not intentional, and it is not a reflection of you. Most people want to be there for you but may not know how to do it.

Seek professional help-

Counselors, pastors, massage therapists, medical doctors, psychiatrists, chiropractors, all support a healthy balance in your life. The more support you have and the more you take care of yourself the better you will be : )

Write or journal-

It’s not easy to really know what is going on inside, especially when emotions are high. Practice writing what you feel or experience inside. Getting it out on paper can take some of the power out of it, and help you better understand yourself and what you are going through. If you are worried about someone reading it then dispose of it. Sometimes that can help healing as well.


Play a game or sport or do an activity you enjoy. If you are in a deep emotional space what you usually enjoy doing may not feel as good as it once did. But, if you try, eventually, the things you love doing may even become more enjoyable than ever. Allow yourself to be a kid from time to time : )

Be of service-

Volunteer, reach out to other people in need, do something kind for someone, helping others can be a huge part of emotional recovery, happiness, healing and a joyful life.


Have conversation with God, or whatever it is inside of you that is Love, and try and pray for or think of others as well as the strength to accept life as life shows up, and the courage to do the best you can for yourself and others.


Spend some quiet time with yourself as you feel able and comfortable. A walk in nature can be a meditation. Reading religious text, or poetry can be a meditation. Find something that helps you slow down and be present with yourself in the moment. Prayer can be meditative. Doing something physical like skate boarding can be meditative ; )

First and foremost take care of yourself. No one else can really do it for you. Let people in. Let people know what’s going on. If you are afraid don’t let that stop you from doing what you should for yourself and others.

And remember all who love you want the best for you and they want to help but may not know how. I hope you give yourself the best support you can! Remember, each day is different, and it wont always be this way or that ; )

One Love!


Just Breathe

You tell me
You don’t
Know what to say

And can’t imagine
How I feel

Neither can I

How I feel

Or know
What to say.

I haven’t felt anything now
Over a week

Since all the love that showed up
To say goodbye to my son

All around me

And all the prayers
Hold me afloat
Just above the bog.

And then today the winds within stir embers of anger
Flames spiraling.

I’m worse than the Tasmanian devil when I let my anger out
After building pressure inside
Too long

So I write about it
Even though I am afraid
Of what may come out
But I need to get it out.


I go to a support group meeting
In hopes to find some calm
In this storm
Mounting within

And am Graced.

Bargaining is another stage in grief.

Just give me what I need
To see my way through this
For myself, my son,
And for the greater good
Of all.

I came home
Lit a candle
Drew a bath

And sat in warm

Depression lies beyond bargaining
And on the other side is acceptance
Which is all I really need,
But acceptance is a journey.

I know depression
Far too well

And fear will not help me
It will only make my depression worse.

But, Faith fights fear.

I need to lean on the Love of God
And receive His Grace and Mercy
Each and every day
On my knees in prayer

So that I may live to His plan

To carry the message
Of experience
And hope.

My son’s love is a light.

Now I am meeting with my counselor
She reminds me my honest struggle is powerful.

We live one day at a time.
And every day is different.

What helped me today
May not tomorrow.

I have to be present with myself

Moment to moment
One breath at a time.

All we really have to do is breathe.

Tavius Dyer Tuesday, October 27th, 2015


Dear son,

I wish I would have had more time with you. I had hoped we would have more time to do so. I imagined us growing even closer over the years. Your growing up so well made me proud. Now, all the love I see and feel you shared and the lessons I am learning from you continue on.

I admire your lack of critical and judgmental spirit. It shows me how I can improve in those ways. You are a fine example of a young man, a beautiful boy, and very special soul. They call you an indigo child, a pure soul meant to bring love to all. This you did and continue to do.

You have so many families because so many loved you as family. It is remarkable all of the love you have brought and shared with so many. It has been the most important message for me, and I believe, the world. It’s all about love.

I feel your love in my heart, in my life, and in the lives of all I know. Your love continues to spread throughout families and communities. Your love brings people together in love. Your love is amazing.

Thank you son for showing me how to live and how to love. The way you lived has taught me and all about how we can live and love more and more.

Thank you for blessing me your father and every wonderful gift that has brought with it.

I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.

I know, now, your life is complete. I saw it in everyone who came to your bedside with love when mourning your passing and loss. I heard others thank you for the lessons you taught them about how to be better people, more kind and loving. I know now that your life is complete. I felt all the love in the world for you and knew you had everything I ever wanted for you, love and happiness.

You are a shining star in the sky guiding us all to the light of love.

Love, forever and always,





Every day without you
Gets harder

As the reality
Of your absence

In my life
Is felt

More and more.

I fight the honest fight
For my life

Now that you have lost yours
I want to make the difference
I can

With whatever time I have left
In this life.

I want to honor you
And your lesson

Of Love and Light.

I didn’t realize
Just how much

My life was lifted up
By your presence.

And now I need
To not let myself down

Because I know you want me to be happy

As you know I always wanted you to be happy too.

And our love is so strong
And will continue

On and on.

You are forever
A part of me

And so many


You keep teaching me

How to Live
And Love

Each and every

I am hurting
For you

But you are with me
In memory

And in our love
Which has made

A permanent home
In my heart

Which beats harder
And stronger

Because of you.

I love you.

Forever and always,

Your Daddy

Missing you so so very much : (

Tavius October 30th, 2015


Just Be Here Now

I let too many people in today
And got overwhelmed

I listened to different people
Tell their stories to me

I knew they wanted me to listen
So I gave them my attention

I know they were trying to help me
But there is no story

That can change how empty I feel

No story can really do that

In fact

I am trying to stay out of my head
Because it goes nowhere good all too quick

Except for a poem for the day
Where I play with what I am experiencing

So that I can make some sense
Just some

I joked about not taking that train
Our safe word has become choo choo

My ego strolls the neighborhood streets of my mind
Lurking from shadow to shadow

Trying to capture the sunlight of my spirit
Like a pusher pimp hustler

Telling me a story
To get my attention

It’s all about attention

I don’t need attention

Not in this way

Thank you very much
I really do appreciate the attempt

I know you care
And want me well

But only I can discover what I need
And I’ll listen

Because I need all the help I can get
But then I am where you are

In my head
Trying to make sense of the world

Telling myself stories
About this or that

So that I can sleep at night

I don’t want to be in my head
At least not right now

I need to get out of my mind
And into THIS world

The sun hot on my skin
The sounds of children playing at the park around the corner

The bus as it pulls away from the bus stop
The acceleration of a motorcycle through an intersection

I need to be in THIS moment
Here now

Where everything and anything is still possible

Where the miracle of existence
And this world are one

Where Mother Earth
Can be worshiped

Perhaps this world is spiritual
And our minds are the material

Just be here now


You don’t have to say anything

Because there is nothing to say

One Love,

Tavius Dyer 10/30/15


We All Loose People We Love

Grieving the loss of a loved one
Can be especially hard

When the deep sorrow sets in
And your bones begin to ache.

I have suffered from extreme depression in my life

Being a bipolar recovering addict and alcoholic
Has its own challenges

As well as my co-dependent tendencies

To take care of others
Rather than myself

Which all has taught me

I must take care of myself
No one else can do it for me.

This doesn’t mean I don’t need the help of others

Quite the opposite.

I can’t do this on my own.

I must surrender

And be honest with myself and others

About what is really going on

Inside of me.

Each loss in different

Each day is different

But so much more than the loss of a loved one
Can come up

From deeper within
Boiling to the surface
When grieving

Like our own death
And dying

Fear of the unknown

Can bring up fear of everything

Which is blanketed in sadness
And darkness

Wanting to pull the covers over myself

And hide in my bed

But the shell of it all is anger
Shrouding my depression
And fear

And I
As well as others

Have been victim
To my own inability

To handle my anger
In healthy ways

The self-abuse of addiction
Hurts those who love us

And loosing myself in others
To avoid taking care of myself

Has lead me to the loss of my freedom and nearly the loss of my life.

At some point

It’s all about not wanting to exist
Not so much suicide

Though that definitely can come up

But the desire
To shrink

Smaller and smaller

Until we are nothing

Because everything
Can become overwhelming

And all we can do

Is breathe.

But even that
Can be challenging

Especially when anxiety
Takes hold

And panic
Makes it hard to breathe

And you feel
As if you are dying

And you almost welcome it
As an alternative

To feeling your feelings
And facing

The facts of life
Love and loss

Facing the music
When it is not the song

You want to hear

It all comes down to surrender.

I must surrender
Each and every day

To the God of my understanding

Because faith in action
Works miracles

All the time

And faith in the miracles
To come

Gives me the hope
And strength

To carry on

Finding whatever I can
To best help myself


Later today

Tomorrow and beyond.

Seek Love in all things

And love you will find

In all things,



Tavius Dyer, Monday, November 02, 2015


Sunday, November 8th, 2015

Today is the day we celebrate the beautiful life of Goose Goszulak and kick off the fundraiser to see his dream through for a skate park in Arnold, CA. Please share this link and donate if you can. Anything and everything helps! Goose had already got the project moving all on his own, and now it is up to us to see it through : ) Much Love and Pride Gboo boo!


The Great Out Doors

The rain came

Brown fields turned green overnight

Fog formed between hills

Like blankets of clouds
Tucking the ground in

Reminding me
Of something like a bedtime story

About Gabe

Saying how clouds
Must have inspired God
To make cotton candy : )

And the

G reat
O ut
D oors

Spoke God into my heart

And I prayed in thanks
For His Grace and Mercy

And for holding
Us all


In Love

Tavius, November 9th, 2015


After You

There is no
Moving on


Not grieving

There is Love


But not entirely


I find you all around me
In the people you love

In my presence
Wherever I am

I find you deep within me
Stronger than ever before

My chest swells warm
When I think of you

As you described it
A God hug

You may have moved on

But not without me
Or those you love

With you

We all ascend
A little higher

A little closer
To Heaven

Thank you for showing us the way kiddo

Loving you like no other

Thank you for bringing
Us all together
In love

I know you shed tears of joy for us all coming together for you


That was all the rain which came our way

When so many gathered
To celebrate you

And the many
You love

And who love you

You show us all
How we really are


Love you Gboo boo

Daddy November 10th, 2015



Thank you everyone for your prayers and loving support : ) It has really lifted me during this difficult time and helped me show up and be present for my son and everyone he loves.

Goose Goszulak‘s Celebration of Life was so very beautiful, amazing, and profound, more than I could have ever imagined! Thank you everyone who helped make it happen and came to bare witness in celebration of a beautiful boys life and legacy of kindness and love.

Whether you were there or not your loving presence was felt and continues to be felt. Thank you all for your loving support! Let’s keep it up for each and everyone ; )

‪#‎whitepinesskatepark‬ – donate here : )

Tavius, November 10th, 2015


The Real Work Begins

People have been telling me how strong I am
But the real strength is yet to come

Now we have gathered in Love
To celebrate my beautiful boy’s life

All the prayers and hugs felt
From near and afar

Have sustained me in Grace
While I have been working through denial

Now the Celebration is over
Many will go back to their lives


I will never go back
To the life I had

And I am not the only one
My son touched so many so deeply

Many lives have been changed for the better
In profound ways which make me so proud

But now
We must learn to live

With our grief


And wade through all the stuff
That is yet to come

As denial gives way to reality
Each and every day

We must face the world again
And in it face ourselves

As others go back to their lives
Leaving those who still struggle

To find their way
And as emotions

Begin to come up from the absolute depths within
And challenge our existence

We will need love and support
More than ever

And it is up to us
To admit we need the help

And find the courage
To ask for it

Because each and every day is different
And what it takes to get through today

The best I can

May change

It is up to me
To take care of me

But I cannot do it alone

So I pray daily

When the times come
And the pain is too great

I will surrender
My suffering

And share with others
Who can help me

Carry the load

From one day to the next

Thank you all who have and will be there for me!

I couldn’t do it without you : )


Tavius November 12th, 2015


Donate to Goose Goszulak’s dream to build a skate park on my home page and please share!

"Just Did It!" #livelikegoose
“Just Did It!” #livelikegoose


From Darkness to Light

I want to sell everything

Hit the road
Run into the hills

Drive too fast

Join my son
On the other side

I’m sure you don’t want to hear this

No worries

Feelings aren’t facts
Unless I act on them

But I know
I am powerless

Over people, places, and things

And that is frightening

I have learned

If I don’t act from fear

That which I fear

Most likely

Will not manifest

So I admit
I am afraid

I am afraid of myself
My feelings

Stirring so deep
In my insides

Causing vertigo

A tornado tearing
Through me

Wanting to erupt
Like a volcano

And vomit out

Inside of me

So I write it out
And share it with you


To take some power
Out of it

And transform

Into Light

Into a message

Of experience
And hope

For I have been saved
Time and time again

For a purpose


Breath by breath
Moment to moment

Day by day

Just doing my best
To be present

With myself
And others

The greatest gift we have
Is just showing up

For ourselves
And each other

Whether in mind or heart
As loving thoughts

Or prayer

Sitting in silence

Or just listening
With all of ourselves

We are all connected

Under One Love

We are all family

And we all need each other
Always and forever

Because it is all about
The people in our lives

Our relationships
Those we share ourselves with

Our Time and Energy
Our most valuable currency

This beautiful gift



Beyond all comprehension

And here


Just is

So I try to accept it

As it is

And just




And willing to turn
My insides out

So that we know
We are not alone

And can make it through Anything


Thank you all who have and will show up : )

Tavius, today, November 15th, 2015 share and donate for White Pines Skate Park : )



Good Grief Charlie Brown

We went to the theater tonight
To watch the new Peanuts movie

Kids were running wild
And I thought

How hard is it
To pay attention

To your kids

And I remembered

How well behaved
You were

And as kids pushed past


The seat next to us
Where you would be

Was empty

And I could feel
Your absence

I could feel you missing
From my life

And was sad

And it was hard to enjoy
The movie

Without you

As the story went on
I related to Charlie Brown

Feeling insecure
And inadequate

Wanting to talk to the girl I liked
But too afraid

Why would she want to talk to me

And I remembered
You asking

A tall blond

Why she wanted
To be with you

And she said

You are different

And when the movie ended
And the girl chose

Charlie Brown

She said she did

He was kind


And funny

And I knew it was you

And me
Learning how to be

More me


Loving and missing you Gboo boo.


Sunday, October 16th, 2015