You Are Your Valentine

It may seem corny, “Love Yourself”,  but it really is true and a very powerful truth.  Love comes in infinite forms.  It shows up through different people in different ways at different times.  Love is unique.  It may not show up how we want it to at the time.  Staying open to how love shows up is then the challenge.  Looking back on my own life, I can see how Love shows up just how it is needed to when it needs to.

Valentine’s Day pushes romantic love, red roses, and diamond jewelry.  Most everyone has had a romantic relationship and most everyone has lost a romantic relationship.  I can attest that loss only leads to greater gains, eventually, if we work through it.  People are not always meant to be in our lives forever, despite how it may feel at the time.  Sometimes, people show up hugely, or intensely, and then seem to fall off the face of the earth and vanish forever.   I have had my fair share of love and loss.  I continue to love those I have loved by honoring their memory with positive thoughts and warm wishes.  Sometimes, this is all we can do, especially if we have lost someone, whether through lack of relationship or death.

The coming and going of people important in my life has been a challenge for me since childhood.  My Mom said when I was really young I would cry when people left.  I really attached to people quickly and deeply.  It is my nature.  I also know what it is like to feel like I have been left behind, that I am not good enough for someone else.  Honestly, it usually is the other way around.  We move on or are forced to move on because we have experienced what we needed to experience in that particular relationship and something new is calling us if we open ourselves to it.  I believe, we are meant to be with who we have been with and will be with.   The process of letting go and reopening is the challenge.  The better we get to know ourselves in loss and grief the better we get know our own love and how to give it to ourselves and then others.  Loss seems to force self-love, or denial and self-destruction.  I have lived both paths and choose the former.

The power of love shows up through all sorts of people in different ways at different times.  The challenge is allowing love to show up as it is rather than closing our minds to what we want it to be, to accept love as it is.  Love is ever-changing, even between people who have know each other a while.  And I think this kind of dynamic love begins with us, our relationship with ourselves; to practice love on ourselves so that we can learn how to do it better and be able to share more of our own love with others as we can and choose.  When we are self-loving we know love better and can spot love better when it shows up in our life because we experience it within ourselves and know what it is intimately and personally.  The more I practice a loving relationship with myself, the more all of my relationships can become more loving.  I really think that is the way life is suppose to be, one person loving another, starting with ourselves : )

Tip to try-

I have practiced dating myself over the years by taking myself out to a nice dinner of my choosing, and a movie I want to see.  There is often almost no time and energy left at the end of the day for quality time with ourselves.  I have found I have to make it.  So, I propose a Date night.  Take yourself out.  Have fun!  You don’t have to compromise.  You can do whatever you want.  Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity for those who do not have plans with someone else, or who want to give themselves the gift of time with themselves to try a Date Night with themselves, or start with a walk in your neighborhood, stop in a local cafe or spot you have never been.  Get out and have an adventure with yourself!

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Would you be mine ; )

Some Words on Love



Some Words on Love 

I come to you

In infinite forms

So that you do not forget me

But remember

Who you really are

And why you are really here

I do these things out of love

I do not expect love

For what I do

But to do

What I do

Out of Love


Is to know

I already gave


To you

Hope is to know I love you

And expect nothing

But give love

For that is why it has been given

For what else is there to do

But Be

In Love

Because you are never



As I am


With you

Tavius Dyer, February 2, 2016


The Miracle is You

I have pondered long and hard over existence.  It is in my nature to question life and the experience of living.  I have come to the only conclusion I can possibly make.  Existence is a miracle and not just any miracle, but THE miracle.

Your life as you know it sprung from a moment in modern history which is merely 100th of the past 10,000 years.  Civilizations have risen and fallen over and over again and again, yet here you are in the 21st Century.  So much has happened without us, yet here we are.

We were once a single cell.  Over days, months and years have grown into trillions of cells organized for specific functions in the maintenance of your beautiful body, an utterly amazing feat in and of itself, yet we had little to nothing to do with it.  Drink, Eat. Sleep.

There are billions of lives like yours being supported across the globe just at this present time.  There have been billions to come and billions to go over time on this planet.  The sun has risen and the sun has set for millions of years day after day.

The earth spins as it revolves around the sun just as the electrons whirl around the nucleus of each and every atom in this infinite universe.  Everything is in motion.  Yet everything we experience remains reasonably still.  Your car, most likely, will look and work like your car did tomorrow just as it did today.   Your home will basically look tomorrow like it did today.  Your street will to.  So on and so forth.

The miracle of your existence is not only you at this time in the place, but that you, at this time, in this place remain as you basically are and everything is as it is one moment to the next.  Sure, we can get up, walk out of the room, close the door behind us and walk outside.  Cars will come and go.  You may feel the breeze.  Our experience is quite calm, and tranquil, peaceful, and perfect in comparison to all that is really going on.

If existence is a miracle and the experience of existence is a miracle, then why don’t we experience the miraculous, not only here and there, but always as it truly is always?  Perhaps, it is not to be found in doing or thinking.  Those don’t bring me the experience of miraculous existence often as much as I would like.  Why do monks, and priests and people meditate?  To quiet the mind.  To become still. To stop doing.  To stop thinking.  To just be.  If you can stop thinking and doing you can just be and in being experience the miraculous that is the miracle of your existence.  Easier said then done.  It can take years of regular practice for moments true and sublime.  Perhaps, a little less thinking and doing would do all all some good I think ; )

I will take a moment every day to appreciate the miracle of my existence.


What is true for you?  Each individual has the choice to believe whatever they wish.  If you are not getting what you really want out of life then maybe you should take a really close look at what you believe.

I have spent decades studying and learning through practice and experience different ways of being and thinking.  I have come across some very simple tools which challenge the way we think about things in ways that can free you from the false beliefs and control of those beliefs.  Ultimately, you should be enabled to think about things in different ways so you can be aware of your options and consciously choose what is best for you.

Where to begin?  Let’s start with the age old questions of “what is knowledge, and what is reality”?  Let’s simplify this discussion by saying they are the same.  I believe reality is based upon what an individual knows.  I also believe the thing we can know most is this reality right here, now, and all around us, this moment, this world as we sense it.  What we truly know we sense moment to moment. What we see, hear, smell, feel, these all make up what we really know best and are dynamic and changing constantly.  I like to say that the senses give rise to sensation which we call consciousness.

Am I clear enough, yet? I don’t blame you if this gets a bit confusing. Some of these words and ideas are “loaded” as well as difficult to absorb for anyone.  That is one thing I am trying to do here, simplify things so that the truth can be self-evident and manifest, which it is. However, our experience of truth manifest is quite another thing.

Let’s take another angle. What are words? Words are man-made signs and sounds associated with things both real and unreal, in this physical reality or unreal (man made ideas). Man made up words to represent reality that are not reality.  However, we use language as a means to think and communicate so much so that we think our thoughts are actually real.  The words in your mind, that voice in your head is just sounds, really.  The language is just language.  The only person listening is you.  So why talk to yourself at all?  Many people cannot silence their voice.  Many people think they are their thoughts or the voice in their heads.  That is one aspect of conscious experience, but symbolic of what is real, or shared.  I believe this world the ground, sky and everything in this universe is real.  It is the only thing we truly share.

I digress. It is easy for me to run off on tangents. I could try and put this all in an outline and maybe one day I will, but the point of this writing is for my mind to have a conversation with your mind imparting ideas to simplify and empower you in your reality.

Why don’t I use a list of simple ideas that can transform your experience with ideas which belief in could set you free.

1. This world, the physical world is real.
2. Our mind is an illusion.
3. Time only exists in the mind.
4. Language is man made and not reality but symbolic of reality (words don’t actually exist like the objects they represent).
5. The only shared time is now.
6. The only shared space is here.
7. People don’t make you feel.  Your thoughts create your feelings.
(Feelings are your body’s reaction to your thoughts.)
10. The only things you have the ability to control are your attitudes (or mental approach to things) and your actions (what you actually do). The thoughts and feelings we think and feel are so important, really are not, at least in affecting this world directly. They are to us, but not really to the world.  All they experience is our attitude and actions.  That is where we can change, ourselves, and only aspects of ourselves.

11. Numbers, including money are man made and only really has the value we allow it to have.  But of course, everyone knows that!  Then why do we let numbers and money have so much power?

12. Life is a miracle.  We can experience the miraculous every moment of our lives.

13. There is no objective “good” or “bad”.  Good and bad are personal judgments about whether we are getting what we want or not.  Most people don’t want people to kill people.  Most people believe murder is bad because it is not what they want.

Sound like some hippy dippy new age stuff? Well, it is. And then some. Common belief is that each person has free reign to change their reality with their minds. Funny thing is, how can you change reality with something that isn’t real? What you change is your perspective or degree of separation.  It’s a lot.  I know.  One day I will simplify it more.  For now, I am just writing some of this out to get it out of me, because it can only do so much good in my mind, but in your mind can do even more if you open yourself up to these ideas and try to understand them for yourself.

The Law of Conservation of Energy

The Law of Conservation of Energy


Cannot be created
Or destroyed

Only changed in form

As the light of this world

Becomes electricity
In our nervous system

Chemical reactions in our brains

And the electromagnetic

Back into this world

Our bodies
Are like conduits
To transform
The energy of this world
Through our minds
And into our open hearts
Producing love
In the world

What we think we are
Is just what energy
We hold on to

It becomes separate
From everything else

Through our attachments
We become
Who we are


The most important lesson
Based on my experience
Is simply this

Take this world in

As it presents itself
As it is

Hold on to nothing

And give it back
To itself

Through an open heart

Tavius, Monday, November 30, 2015